You may call me “Nablaa”

I’m 24 years old now, and i’m completely sure that i’m getting older. A lof of bad and good things had happen to me. And if i remember the past, i know that Allah have given me amount of miracles, though sometimes i didn’t realize it was.

I wanna grow up to be a better person. Believing in what i believe and doing what my heart tell me to. Maybe on my way to be better, sometimes i hurt some people for what i’ve done. But, trully i never meant it.

It’s been a long time since the last time i hate somebody. I don’t even remember how it feels like, even when i see the one whom i hate before.

Yes, I wanna be a better person. -∞nablaa∞

Ampuni segala dosaku Ya Allah

tidak bisa mengatakan capek, karena aku tidak suka wanita lemah..
tidak bisa berkata aku menyerah, karena aku suka wanita tangguh..
tidak bisa menangis, karena aku benci wanita cengeng..
tidak bisa mengeluh, karena aku bukan wanita manja..
tidak ingin menjerit, karena aku tidak ingin membuang tenaga dengan percuma..
tidak ingin bicara banyak, karena aku tidak ingin berdebat.
dan inilah alasan-alasan mengapa aku memilih diam..
-∞ < nablaa < ∞

i’m counting down

and after it, i will live my second life…

Libra

An old friend asked me a lot of thing. He gave me some cases, then ask me to analyzed it. Next, he need my opinion about those cases, or else he asked me what i would do if i was the woman on those cases.. And I replied it..
When i asked him back, what that he was trying to say… He said nothing.. He just wanna knew it.. Cuz his girlfriend has the same ‘star’ with me.. LIBRA…
-∞ < nablaa < ∞

life is so short

An ordinary conversation, with my ex-boss :p…
Nice chat with him as always cuz he keep support me to move on and do my best, related with my life, my study, my work and my vision..
a few hour ago, he asked me about my plan to continue my study, and i would say yes. i’m planning to go abroad.. to continue what i have been delayed, not leaved.. and it will be greatfull when it come to dynamical system..

‘well… dynamical system is a good part, too bad it’s only talk in a local area.. to be honest, i think you prefer take operational research than dynamical system.. O.R is more applicable..’

‘i agree with you, Sir.. it just, D.S has stolen my heart :p’

‘that will be great, by then you will focus on one thing… O.R is interesting.. so does D.S… but life is too short to study about everything.. And if i became you, i would choose something that is usefull for environment rather than do something that un usefull’

‘absolutely right, but sometimes what we think is unusefull at this time, doesn’t mean all the time, maybe it will.. but for the next generation…’

‘and life is too short to think about future, just do your best today, it means you have done your best for future…’

that is it.. nice chat, isn’t it?

keset, keset atau keset?

Ketika aku bertanya melalui sebuah tulisan.. ‘Apa itu keset?’
orang pertama mungkin menjawab ‘keset artinya lapisannya mempunyai gaya gesek yang besar’…
orang kedua kemungkinan menjawab ‘keset artinya malas’
orang ketiga masih memungkinkan menjawab ‘keset artinya benda yang biasa diletakkan didepan pintu, digunakan untuk membersihkan kaki/sepatu jika kotor’…
dan darisinilah kesalahpahaman itu mungkin terjadi melalui sebuah tulisan..

What happen with you

ga tau kenapa, semenjak kemarin aku ga bisa akses yahoo.com, facebook.com, messenger-an juga ga bisa, meebo.com ga bisa, gmail.com, banyak site yg aku ga bisa akses.. padahal buka besmart.uny.ac.id bisa, google juga bisa..
what happen with you???

feel empty

when i say ‘love you’ but there is no reply…

I feel different…

consciously or not, the environment has contributed to a significant part in every decision we make. environmental changes that happen to us will give birth in a new figure for us. the difference lies in how much we affect the environment. This might be due to environmental changes will give different rights and obligations than ever before.

Not all changes will give a negative effect. But not all changes have a positive effect on us. The problem is how do we control ourselves for the changes that lead to negative things that are not able to enter the space of our behavior.

i asked you..

it’s been a long time since the last time i posted. now, i’m 25 years old. many things have changed, included my life, my story and my history.
I am a lecture now, at one state university in Indonesia. I am working in mathematics departement.
Field study that i always dream to be.
it was like my ordinary day. I teach differential equation. One student of my class asked me :
‘why we learn those strange forms? are those symbols usefull?’

any one of you might help me to answer it??

Semangatku karena Diorama Sepasang AlBanna

Kemarin aku menjadi salah satu juri di acara Lomba Essay untuk mahasiswa baru. Hal baik yang aku petik, menulislah.. Sehari sebelumnya salah satu temanku membaca sebuah novel islami yang kemudian merekomendasikan aku untuk membacanya.. Deadline sampai hari senin, 3 hari. Malamnya, aku menyadari bahwa ternyata aku telah melakukan suatu kebodohan(lagi).. Maka, hari ini aku ingin menulis mengenai novel yang memberi semangat bagiku untuk berusaha tidak mengulangi kebodohan (lagi).. Insyaallah..

Perasaanku beberapa hari ini memang tidak karuan… Ketakutan yang luar biasa.. Aku bingung bagaimana harus bertindak.. Begini salah, tapi takut begitu juga salah.. Yang paling menakutkan dari ketakutanku adalah takut telat bertindak karena terus-terusan merasa takut…

Aku duduk di depan Laptopku.. Internet is connected.. Berharap seseorang muncul dan berbicara denganku… 1 jam.. 2 jam.. belum ada tanda-tanda kemunculannya.. Pagi menjelang subuh, somebody online.. Senyuman ringan tapi kemudian berubah menjadi senyuman kecut.. Aku bingung bagaimana harus memulai percakapan.. Kembali takut, takut kehadiranku mengganggu ibadahnya.. Tahan.. Tahan..

Diorama Sepasang Albanna, Ari Nur… mungkin novel ini bisa membantuku menahan emosiku… satu halaman, dua halaman, akhirnya hingga halaman ke 118.. Kata-katanya ringan hingga aku menyadari bahwa ada makna besar yang coba disampaikan dari buku yang sedang aku baca..

Cukup..

Berhenti membaca… Aku memang tersentil dan merasa kekuatan besar mendampingiku.. Tapi tak ada gunanya kesadaran dan penyesalan itu jika aku meninggalkan subuhku..

Wudlu menenangkan hatiku.. Bacaan surat-surat menentramkan jiwaku.. Senyumanku kembali terangkat..
Aku, meski tidak menghubungimu, tapi disetiap do’aku ada namamu.. Aku, meski tak mengatakannya padamu, tapi disetiap langkahku selalu ada cinta untukmu..